Anyone who has ever sat through a rainy Saturday soccer match or juggled dinner schedules to accommodate volleyball practice knows that youth sport doesn’t happen without parents. They are the chauffeurs, cheerleaders, fundraisers, and sometimes, the most vocal critics on the sidelines.
But as Dr. Nick Holt knows all too well, parents aren’t just a peripheral presence in youth sport. They are central players in the developmental experience of young athletes.
Holt is Dean of the Faculty of Kinesiology at the University of Calgary. He’s also a long-time researcher, a youth soccer coach, and a parent. In other words, he’s lived this world from every angle. And he’s spent the last 2 decades studying youth development in sport, with a special focus on the roles parents play. His work suggests how parents behave can significantly shape a child’s sporting experience, and even their broader personal development.
“There’s not one specific handbook,” Holt says with a laugh, when asked how parents can best support their kids. “Kids are unique. The relationship between the child and the parent is unique. So there’s not one specific set of rules that works for everyone.”
But there are, he adds, important signposts.
Parenting on the sidelines: Between support and control
The first thing to know is that youth sport is a complex social environment. It’s not just about skill development and competition. It’s also where kids learn how to be teammates, how to handle pressure, and how to develop a sense of self. All of these processes are shaped by their surroundings through coaches, peers, and yes, parents.
Holt describes a parenting sweet spot between 2 extremes: too much freedom and too much control. If you just give completely free choice, kids can do whatever they want, that’s generally not exceptionally positive, he explains. If you’re incredibly controlling, trying to dictate every aspect of your child’s life, that’s not very positive either. Somewhere in the middle is the ideal, where boundaries are clear, but children also have the autonomy to make choices and learn from them.
READ MORE: Beyond the game: The power of positive psychology in sport
Much of Holt’s research focuses on what’s called positive youth development, a strength-based approach rooted in positive psychology. Instead of focusing on correcting problems, this framework emphasizes helping kids build their capacities, whether that’s resilience, teamwork, or emotional regulation. The goal? Help every child find their potential to thrive.
And parents play a key role in making that possible.
Turning sideline tension into constructive conversations
That doesn’t mean the journey is easy. Holt is candid about the challenges even for someone with his credentials. “I won’t claim I’ve applied anything [from my research] to my role as a parent,” he jokes. “Like everyone else, that’s been trial and error.”
But as a coach, he took a different approach. “What I tried to do was help the parents understand some of the evidence out there that can help you be a more effective youth sport parent,” he says.
Holt rejects the idea that parents should be kept at arm’s length. “My view was always: I coach the kids, and the parents are part of that rather than trying to make them something separate and keep them on the outside. We’re all part of the team.”
So how does that work in practice? Holt describes a pre-season meeting, not just to go over logistics, but to engage parents in meaningful reflection. He would break them into small groups and ask: What do you think your child wants from you this season?
Then, he’d pose the same question to the kids.
The results were surprising and surprisingly consistent. Kids wanted encouragement, punctuality, and space. “They wanted to be on time for practice, to be supported but not yelled at,” he recalls. “There was nothing revolutionary in what they said, but it helped everyone get on the same page. It also showed that the kids had thoughts about what they wanted from their parents.”
It’s a simple but powerful strategy: bring everyone together, create mutual understanding, and set shared expectations. It’s also grounded in research. Holt and his colleagues have found that kids are highly attuned to their parents’ presence during games. Even if they can’t hear every word shouted from the sideline, they’ll notice a scowl or a tense posture. “You might not be watching your parent all the time, but you’re definitely aware,” Holt says.
When good intentions go wrong
Of course, even well-meaning parents can go astray.
“Despite their best intentions, some parents undermine positive development,” Holt explains. That can happen when a parent becomes overly invested in performance, seeing their child’s athletic success as a reflection of their own. Or when they try to fix every problem for their child, robbing them of the chance to develop coping skills and resilience.
This isn’t about calling out “bad” parents, it’s about understanding how to do better.
Holt stresses that the vast majority of parents are doing their best. They just need tools, support, and a better understanding of what helps kids grow. That might mean resisting the urge to critique performance on the car ride home or recognizing when anxiety is being transferred from the parent to the child.
READ MORE: Want to keep your kids in sport? Start with the car ride home
Coaches and clubs can help by fostering environments where these conversations happen early and often, and where parents are seen not as obstacles but as allies in their children’s development.
Creating a system that supports everyone
If youth sport is a system, it has to work for everyone involved: kids, coaches, and parents too. That means supporting coaches in setting clear expectations, offering parents evidence-based resources, and most importantly, centring the needs of children.
It also means remembering the fundamental principle at the heart of positive youth development: every child has the potential to thrive, if given the right environment.
Holt says the next time you’re on the sidelines, waiting in the parking lot, or rushing to grab snacks for the team, remember: you’re not just a helper or a spectator. You’re a critical part of your child’s sport experience. And how you show up verbally, nonverbally, and emotionally matters.
How sport parents shape the game; for better or worse
“What I’ve seen more is far less tolerance for inappropriate behaviour from coaches, from parents and from athletes to officials,” Holt says. “But you can have as much signage as you want around the facility. If it’s not enforced, the signage is useless.”
One theme that hits close to home for many coaches and administrators: what happens when a well-meaning parent becomes the reason a child is cut from the team?
“We didn’t invite the child back to play,” Holt recalled about a team he coached for a long time and had a parent who was overbearing, excessively involved, and wanted to be in everything. “So people say, ‘Well, you cut the kid because of the mom or the dad?’ Yeah. That’s essentially what we did.”
It’s a decision he doesn’t take lightly and one that still causes discomfort, especially given his long-standing advocacy for positive youth development through sport. But for Holt, the broader team context mattered. One parent’s overbearing behaviour was affecting the cohesion of the group. After repeated efforts to address it failed, the coaching staff made the difficult decision to prioritize the collective over the individual.
This tension between supporting every child’s right to play and maintaining a positive environment for the group is one that sport organizations across Canada continue to wrestle with.
Why do some parents cross the line?
“It’s not straightforward,” Holt said. “But the short version is: parents want the best for their kids.”
He points to broader parenting trends, terms like helicopter parenting and snowplow parenting come up often in academic literature, that help explain the motivation behind what can feel like over-involvement.
“People think they’re helping their kid by fighting battles for them,” he explained. “Sometimes that plays out as, ‘I’ve got a complaint about the coach or the organization, and I’m going to resolve it.’”
But that instinct to advocate, while often rooted in love, can crowd out opportunities for children to develop their own agency to ask questions, to struggle, to resolve conflict.
And sometimes, the issue is simply fit. A club’s values or style may not align with what a family is looking for. Holt stresses the importance of clear communication upfront about coaching philosophy, time commitments, playing time expectations, and the club’s vision.
“The more clarity you can have about the approach, the better,” he said. “It enables people to make informed decisions.”
Creating better relationships between parents and clubs
So what can be done to build better bridges between parents and sport organizations? Start at the club level, Holt advised.
“The further you get away from where the parents are, the harder it is to have relationships,” he said.
That means coaches, especially volunteer coaches, are often on the front lines. But they shouldn’t be left to handle difficult situations alone. Holt encourages coaches to ask for help early.
“Don’t think, ‘I’ve got to be able to resolve this myself.’ You’re probably not skilled in everything—in conflict resolution, mediation. Go speak to your technical director. There’s always someone above.”
Another key piece? Vetting the family as well as the athlete.
“I used to joke, and it wasn’t really a joke, that while I was accepting the child to be coached, I was vetting the family,” he said. “Like when you’re hiring someone, you want a good fit. Someone who brings a positive attitude.”
It’s a pragmatic approach that may feel uncomfortable, but one that could spare coaches and clubs from deeper challenges down the road.
As sport organizations across Canada work to build safer, more inclusive, and developmentally sound environments for young athletes, listening to parents but not letting them run the show may be one of the biggest balancing acts of all.
For more about Dr. Nick Holt’s work and research.